Photo by Jared Lind on Unsplash

In My Imagination

Our story of life and loss and change

To My Child, Unborn

In my imagination you have red hair and a joyous smile.

In my imagination you are my son.

In my imagination I watch while you explore, discovering everything strewn across the living room floor.

You look over periodically to make sure I am still paying attention.

Of course I am, my darling boy. How could I take my eyes off you?

Your bright eyes find mine and smile at the corners.

I mouth “I love you.”

You turn away, back to the exploration.

In my imagination your sister is at your side, directing your way.

In my imagination she plays the part of mother.

In my imagination she is diligently removing items from your mouth and trying to make you smile.

She calls your name repeatedly trying to gain your attention.

She adores you, except when you try to steal daddy’s affection, then she asserts her authority, clearly delineating sibling order.

Often, you remain unfazed. Your affections are reserved for mommy.

In my imagination mommy is taking pictures, cataloging every new experience.

In my imagination I have never seen her happier.

In my imagination she swoops you up and covers you in kisses.

You are content viewing the world from her arms.

She swings you around and kisses your nose.

You smile wide and laugh with delight, absorbing every ounce of her love for you.

These images of our expectant future are imprinted in my mind. They grasp my heart with both hands at every rereading of this poem. Change has taken place within, without our little one ever taking a breath. His short life has changed everything. Literally life changing. I am a better man, better father, better husband. I am a better receiver of love and hopefully a better giver. I look at the world differently. Life is more tangible — time with loved ones sweeter.

--

--

Interested in how we interact with the systems that make up our lives. Exploring..

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Christopher Shivers

Interested in how we interact with the systems that make up our lives. Exploring..